Good News and Bad News

"Good News and Bad News For Pope"*

*The Bishop runs into to the Pope's quarters and says,

"Your Holiness, I have good news and I have bad news!"

Pope, "What's the good news?

Bishop: "Jesus has returned to Earth! He's on the phone and wants to
speak with you!"

Pope, "and the Bad News?"

Bishop, "He's calling from Salt Lake City!"

********************************************************

"Good News and Bad News For a Pastor"*

*Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you
wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search
committee to find somebody
capable of filling the position.

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things
exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.

Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "South Park"
and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.

Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war.

Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.

Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet
paper and shaving cream to 'decorate' your house.
Received on Tue Jun 1 12:45:50 2010