Bilingual Office Help

*"Bilingual Office help"

*A local business was looking for office help. They put
a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP
WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with
a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal
Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window,
saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the
receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to
the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.
The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised,
to say the least. However, the dog looked determined,
so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped
up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you
have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went
to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect
letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the
manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the
chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the
sign says you have to be good with a computer." The
dog jumped down again and went to the computer.
The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect
program, that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded!
He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are
a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities.
However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign
and put his paw on the sentences that told about
being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager
said "yes, but the sign *also* says that
you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at the manager calmly, turn his head
sideways and said, "Meow!"

*******************************************************

"Talking Duck"*

*A Duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender
says, "Hey, you're a duck!"

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck.

"Yeah, but I mean...I've never seen a talking duck," says the barman.

"Have you ever seen a duck drinking beer?"

"No."

"You will as soon as you pour me one." answers the duck.

The barman serves the duck a pint and asks him, "So,
what brings a duck like you to these parts?"

"Oh," says the duck, "I work on the building site across
the road. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll most
likely be in every lunch hour."

The duck drinks his beer, wiggling his tail happily. And just
like he said, every day he waddles over from his job and
has his lunch time lager.

The next week, the circus comes to town. The Circus owner
wanders in for a pint and the barman tells him about the
talking duck. "You should get this duck to join your circus,"
he says. "Everyone would love to see a talking duck."

The circus man nods his agreement and the barman agrees
to talk to the duck about the circus.

The following day, the duck comes in at lunch time as usual.
The barman says to the duck (with dollar signs in his eyes),
"You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting
 to the owner about you."

"Really?" says the duck.

"Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily."

"Hang on," said the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?"

"That's right."

"That's the one with those big canvas tents, isn't it?"

"Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job there
starting tomorrow. The circus owner's crazy about the idea."

The duck looked very puzzled. "But why would he want to hire a plasterer?"
Received on Sun Feb 21 19:28:39 2010