Is It Cold Enough For You?

"Is It Cold Enough For You?"*

* (Fahrenheit / Celsius)
        +50 / +10
          * New York tenants turn on the heat
          * Wisconsinites & Ontarians plant gardens
          * Air mass too stable for supercells
     
        +40 / +4
          * Californians shiver uncontrollably
          * Wisconsinites & Albertans sunbathe
     
        +35 / +2
          * Italian cars don't start
     
        +32 / 0
          * Distilled water freezes
     
        +30 / -1
          * You can see your breath
          * You plan a vacation in Florida
          * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
          * Wisconsinites & Manitobans eat ice cream
     
        +25 / -4
          * Boston water & Lake Ontario freeze
          * Californians weep pitiably
          * Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
     
        +20 / -7
          * Cleveland & New York water freezes
          * San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
          * Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
     
        +15 / -10
          * You plan a vacation in Acapulco
          * Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you UNDER the blanket
          * Wisconsinites & B.C. residents go swimming
     
        +10 / -12
          * Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
          * It's too cold to snow
          * You need jumper cables to get the car going
    
        0 / -18
          * New York landlords turn on the heat
          * Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yummy!
          * Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs on the patio, yum!

        -5 / -21
          * You can HEAR your breath
          * You plan a vacation in Hawaii
     
        -10 / -23
          * American cars don't start
          * Too cold to skate
     
        -15 / -26
          * You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
          * Miamians cease to exist
          * Wisconsinites & Canadians lick flagpoles instead of ice-cream
     
        -20 / -29
          * Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
          * Politicians actually do something about the homeless
          * People in Green Bay & Yukon think about taking down screens
          * Every other storm chaser thinks air is too stable for supercells
    
        -25 / -32
          * Too cold to kiss (huh? It's NEVER too cold to kiss - ^v^!)
          * You need jumper cables to get the driver going
          * Japanese cars don't start
          * Milwaukee Brewers & Ottawa Rough Riders head for spring training

        -30 / -34
          * You plan a two-week hot bath
          * Pilsener freezes
          * Bock beer production begins
          * Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
     
        -38 / -39
          * Mercury freezes
          * Too cold to think
          * Wisconsinites & Canadians button top button
     
        -40 / -40
          * Californians disappear
          * Wisconsinites & Quebecers put on sweaters
          * Your CAR insists on sleeping in your bed with you

        -50 / -46
          * Congressional hot air freezes
          * Alaskans close the bathroom window
          * Green Bay Packers practice indoors
     
        -60 / -51
          * Walruses abandon Aleutians
          * Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
          * Wisconsinites & Ontarians put gloves away, take out mittens
          * Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
     
        -70 / -57
          * Glaciers in Central Park
          * Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
          * Green Bay snow-mobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault
Ste. Marie
     
        -80 / -62
          * Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
          * Rhinelander Birkebeiner
          * Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
     
        -90 / -68
          * Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
          * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
          * Minnesotians migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer
          * Ontarians migrate to New York thinking it MUST be warmer
south of the border
 
        -100 / -73
          * Santa Claus abandons North Pole
          * Wisconsinites & Canadians pull down earflaps
     
        -173 / -114
          * Ethyl alcohol freezes
          * Only Door County cherries are usable in brandy Manhattans
     
        -297 / -183
          * Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
          * Microbial life survives only on dairy products
     
        -445 / -265
          * Superconductivity starts
     
        -452 / -269
          * Helium becomes a liquid
     
        -454 / -270
          * Hell freezes over
          * Chicago Cubs win the World Series
          * Roger Edwards sees a wedge tornado
     
        -456 / -271
          * Texas drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-35
     
        -458 / -272
          * Incumbent politicians renounce campaign contributions
          * Quebec drivers drop below 150 KPH on 400 highways

        -460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
          * All atomic motion ceases
          * Wisconsinites admit it's getting a mite nippy
Received on Sun Feb 21 19:24:38 2010