Holiday Diet Tips

"Pound 23"*

*My appetite is my shepherd, I shall not want
It maketh me to sit down and stuff myself.
It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly.
It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating
For the food tasteth so good.

The ice cream and cookies, they comfort me.
When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me,
For I knoweth that soon I shall dig in.
As I filleth my plate continuously, my clothes runneth smaller.
Surely, bulges and excess weight shall follow me all the days of my life
And I shall be fat forever.

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"Holiday Diet Tips"*

*1 - If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2 - If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

3 - When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat
the same amount.

4 - Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes
any chocolate used
for energy, brandy, Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Daz
Ice Cream.

5 - Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they
are a part of the entertainment
experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes Milk
Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior
Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

6 - Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage
causes calorie leakage.

7 - If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.

8 - If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get
walked off.

9 - Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy of Santa.

10 - STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
Received on Wed Nov 18 07:18:39 2009