Software Problems 2009

"Software Problems 2009"*

*Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed that the new program began making
unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and
jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls
many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing
7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs
new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3,
SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes
the system. Under no circumstances will it run
DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried
running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all
purpose utility is of limited effectiveness.

Can you help please ?!!!!

Jane

*****************************************************

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but
is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people
upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea
that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was
designed by its creator to run as few applications as
possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and
return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not
designed to do this.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is
gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or
purge the program files from the system, once installed.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I would suggest
you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature
of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent
company as an integral part of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL
faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To
activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I
THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME"

Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while
entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the
applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse
can create additional and more serious GPFs, and
ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal
operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to
default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0.

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0
to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files
that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some
trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take
the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine
feature it can only intermittently run all the
applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great
program, but it does have limited memory and cannot
learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve
performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0,
Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction,
these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0
running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband
1.0 will become familiar and you will find many
valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings
2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any
circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a
supported application, and will cause selective shut
down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run
only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 or Golfing 2.3 until
MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing
to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish
you the best of luck in coming years. "We trust you
will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Received on Sun Mar 1 07:23:48 2009