Redhead - A Chemical Analysis

"Redhead - A Chemical Analysis"*

*Element: *Redhead

*Symbol: RH

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 125, but known to vary 105-195.

Discoverer: It's debatable, some say Adam, but we
now know, that only G~d could discover something so perfect.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas,
with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas.
Subject to seasonal or fashion fluctuations.
Often accompanied by GY (green eyes) element.

Physical Properties*

*Surface usually covered with minimal painted film.
As a rule, not necessary.

Boils at everything, freezes without reason.

Melts if given special treatment.

Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!

Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties*

*Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and
many precious stones, especially diamonds and
emeralds. (Something to do with the previously-
mentioned GY element.)

Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.

Reactive in liquids, even more, increased activity when saturated in
alcohol.

Repels cheap material.

Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses*

*Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

Can greatly improve hormonal levels.

Can warm and comfort under certain circumstances.

Incapable of cooling things down, when it's too hot.

Tests*

*Pure specimen turns rosy pink when spanked.

Turns red after being left in direct sunlight in 15 minutes.

Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution*

*Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Use extreme care when handling.

*Illegal to possess more than one.

*
Received on Thu Jun 25 15:04:45 2009