Driving Pointiff

"Bubba"*

*Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know,
I know everyone there is to know. Just name
someone, anyone, and I know them. "Tired of his
boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how
about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock
on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise,
shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend
come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After
 they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks
 Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.

 "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go.

At the White House, Obama spots Bubba on the tour and
motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a
surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and
your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first
and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he
expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him
to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.

"My folks are from Germany, and I've known the Pope along
time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are
assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba
says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye
among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards
so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony
with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the
Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he
finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by
paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, I was doing fine until you and
the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me
said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

************************************************************

"Driving Pointiff"*

*After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded
into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver
notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness, 'says the driver,'
Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth, ' says the Pope, ' they
 never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a
cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do
that. I'd lose my job! What if something should
happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never
gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope
climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets
his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff
floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms..
(Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness! ' pleads the worried
driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear Lord, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the
driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the
cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes
back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's
stopped a limo going 155 kph.

'So bust him, ' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked,' Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger. '

'Well, ' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: ' I think it's G~d! '

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious,
'What makes you think it's G~d?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'
Received on Thu Dec 31 12:03:36 2009