100% All Bran Muffins

"100% All Bran Muffins"*

*This 85 year old couple, having been married
almost 60 years, die in a car crash. They had
been in good health the last ten years, mainly
due to the wife's neurotic interest in health food.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter
took them to their mansion, which was decked
out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath
suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed", the old man asked
Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, Remember, this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to see the championship
golf course the home backed up to. They would
have golfing privileges every day, and each week
the course changed to a new one representing the
great golf courses on Earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish
buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet?" St. Peter asked.
"This is heaven. It's free!"

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol
foods?" the old man asked timidly.

"That's the best part... you can eat as much as you
like of whatever you like and you never get fat and
you never get sick. This is Heaven."

The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and
your bloody bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!"

*************************************************

"Splitting in Half"*

*At Burger King an elderly couple ordered one burger,
one order of fries and one coke with two glasses.

When they got to their booth, the man placed a napkin
in front of himself and one in front of his wife, then
proceeded to divide the fries, cut the burger in half
and divided the coke equally.

A gentleman nearby noticed and offered to buy them
another burger, fries and Coke.

The woman then said, "No you don't understand. We've
been married over 50 years and all our life we agreed
to split everything right down the middle."

Her husband then began eating, as she sat with her hands in her lap.

The gentleman nearby noticed and asked the lady why she wasn't eating.

She replied, "As I said before, we split everything
right down the middle, and it's his day to use the teeth first."
Received on Fri Nov 21 07:04:49 2008