Oneliners LVI & LVII

"Oneliners LVI"*

*Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is first.

I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.

Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

I get six miles per gallon with my new car . . . my son gets the other
twenty.

If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either.

Cease and desist! Don't make me use uppercase.

Many people's tombstones should read died at 30, buried at 60.

The generation that criticizes the younger generation is always the one
that raised it.

I had a nostalgic English teacher who found the past perfect and the
present tense.

Happiness has one great advantage over Money. People don't try to borrow it.

At my age, getting a second doctor's opinion is kinda like switching
slot machines.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons.

The missing link between man and monkey can be found in today's politicians.

What will happen to work when the trend toward longer education meets
the trend toward earlier retirement?

I just saw the animals in my neighborhood lining up two by two. Should I
be worried?

There's probably nothing wrong with the younger generation that the
older generation didn't outgrow.

My doctor says I've got something going for me. However, he can't stop
any of it from going.

What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls the beginning.

Health is wealth and it's tax-free!

***********************************************************

"Oneliners LVII"*

*Few things upset my wife. It makes me feel rather special to be one of
them.

She thinks that tactics are a new kind of breath mint.

I just got my bill for my stay in the hospital. Now I know why surgeons
wear masks!

If it wasn't for plumbers, you'd have no place to go.

I either want less corruption, or a chance to participate.

Most would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.

Katrina victims are learning the Law of Diminishing Compassion.

Force without justice is tyrannical.

Kamasutra Kamikaze: Willing to try every position in one night or die
trying.

When they say "instant credit," they actually mean "instant debt".

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

Boredom is a sign of unused potential.

A father is a man who carries pictures in his billfold where money used
to be.

Kraft Foods laid off six thousand workers and profits are up. Now they
have 6 thousand more people living on macaroni and cheese.

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has
to eat them.

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and
ask, "Why do you want to know?"

There are more than 50,000 earthquakes throughout the world every year!

The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!

Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left handed... or is
that paws?!

The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven!
Received on Mon Nov 17 07:51:23 2008