Oneliners LIV & LV

"Oneliners LIV"

If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.

Never mistake asthma for passion.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with Dad saying, "I know a shortcut."

A double negative is a no, no.'

If only my car could go as fast as its payments are coming due.

You don't pay taxes; they TAKE taxes.

The greatest right in the world is the right to be wrong.

It's always something and it's generally expensive.

Keeping house is a lot like threading beads on
a string without a knot at the end.

America's number one energy crisis is Monday morning.

For as long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.

Bad weather reports are more likely to be accurate than good weather
reports.

Hindsight is an exact science.

The reason the rich are stingy is the reason they are rich.

A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.

He who hesitates is not only lost, but is miles from the next exit.

Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others.

I am so broke my only assets are my frequent-flyer points and rollover
minutes.

Whatever hits the fan . . .won't spread evenly.

**********************************************

"Oneliners LV"

Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a
screwdriver.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

Think about this..... No one ever says "It's only a
game" when their team is winning.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will
make him wag his tail.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live
long enough to make them all yourself.

One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life
is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job.

A backyard barbecue draws two things.....flies and relatives.

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at
all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

Those who say money can't buy happiness never spent it on a puppy.

Now they have a jigsaw puzzle for people you don't like.
None of the pieces fit and the four corners are missing.

The minister had a special filing drawer for his
bills. It was labeled: 'Due unto others.'

When people say to me, 'Have a nice day.'
Why do they limit me to 24 hours of happiness?

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen
to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.

Quality rather than quantity determines your success.

The best things in life are free . . .
or have no interest or payments for one full year.
Received on Wed Apr 9 12:33:00 2008