Oneliners ILII &ILIII

"Oneliners ILII"

Isn't it appropriate that the Month of the
Tax begins with April Fool's Day, and
ends with cries of "May Day!"?

We wouldn't mind paying income tax
if we could know which country it's going to.

I think congressmen should wear uniforms
like NASCAR drivers so we could identify
their corporate sponsors.

Why don't the illegals stage rallies in Mexico
to change the laws and conditions there?

It's amazing how many beautiful women
walk into your life the week before you get
married.

A wife lasts only for the length of the
marriage . . but an ex-wife is there for
the rest of your life.

I hate my cubicle. I'm the only round object
in here.

For dying, you always have time.

For every action, there is an equal and
opposite criticism.

Money does not talk. It just goes without
saying.

If you would like to get rich, earn more
than you spend and keep on doing it.

A gossip is someone with a great sense
of rumor.

Be realistic. Plan for a miracle.

A lifelong friend is someone you haven't
borrowed money from yet.

Great minds discuss ideas. Average
minds discuss events. Small minds
discuss people.

Why is it that the closer you get to the
ocean, the more seafood costs?

The Pilgrims were undocumented
immigrants.

A pessimist complains about the noise
when opportunity knocks.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

A fancy restaurant is where you are
sentenced to bread and water for 30
minutes.

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"Oneliners ILIII"

The income tax forms have been simplified
beyond all understanding.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Another American invention the permanent
Temporary Tax.

I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

Predestination was doomed from the start.

Where all men think alike, no one knows
very much.

If you're yearning for the good old days, just
turn off the air conditioning.

Don't find fault. Find a remedy.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is
like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Vacations are no problem for me. My boss
decides when I go and my wife decides
where.

Summer is when you try to make your
house as cold as you complained it was
during the winter.

Patriotism is when love of your own people
comes first. Nationalism, when hate for
people other than your own comes first.

My girlfriend is worried that if she uses
her turn signals too much, she'll run out
of blinker fluid.

Charge nothing and you'll get a lot of customers.

Time was when Uncle Sam lived within his
income and without ours

My tax accountant is an understanding man. He
has an office with a recovery room.

Arguing with some people is like trying to blow out
an electric light bulb.

My congresswoman can beat up your congresswoman.

Tell your boss what you really think about him and
the truth shall set you free.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Received on Mon Jan 15 00:59:34 2007