New Living Will Form

"New Living Will Form"

I, __________________________, being of sound
mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely
by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth
grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/
doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to
ask for at least one of the following:

______ a Bloody Mary,

______ a Margarita

______ a Scotch and soda

______ a Martini

______ a Vodka and Tonic

______ a {Deleted} on a Beach
{LadyHawke's drink of choice}

______ a Steak

______ Lobster or Crab Legs

______ the Remote Control

______ a Bowl of Ice Cream

______ Chocolate

______ Great Sex

_______Red Wine

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better!

When such a determination is reached, I hereby
instruct my appointed person and attending physicians
to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz
Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral,
and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to
toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___________________________

Date: _______________________________

I also hear that in Ireland they have a nursing
home with a Pub. The patients are happier and
they have many more visitors!

************************************************

"Lost Contact Lens"

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing
basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search,
he told his mother the lens was no where to be found.

Undaunted, the mother went outside and in a few
minutes returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom"? the teenager
asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied.
"You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was
looking for $150."
Received on Tue Jan 2 08:09:35 2007