Health Q & A Session

"Health Question & Answer Session"

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,
and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's
like saying you can extend the life of your car
by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What
does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is
also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100%
of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that means they take the water
out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating
in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain is... Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!

... Foods are fried
these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming: Woo Hoo, what a ride! "
Received on Tue Aug 21 11:04:21 2007