Oneliners XXXII & XXXIII

"Oneliners XXXII"

No more about Elvis, OK? Thankyouverymuch

I believe in dragons, good men, and other
fantasy creatures.

The meaning of life is a feeling.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Good writing means taking the effort out of
the reading.

A confident manner is important: Computers
can sense this!

Insomnia is a nightmare.

To a worm, digging in the hard ground is
more relaxing than going fishing.

An alarming number of people suffer from
seriousness.

A wishbone has never taken the place of
a backbone.

When you have your head up your butt, 4
of the 5 senses do not work.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse
than understatement.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

Whether it's landslides or our aging bodies
  . . . gravity always wins.

I'll bet you can get a real good deal on 14
bridesmaid dresses right now on eBay.

When gas prices reach $5 a gallon, it should
include car insurance.

The best antiques are old friends.

Our guy running for sheriff is overqualified.
He's presidential material.

So many journalists, so little real news.

I wouldn't touch the Metric System with
a 3.048m pole.

******************************************

"Oneliners XXXIII"

I'm a Psychic Amnesiac. I know in advance
what I'll forget.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they
played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Home Depot is Disney for adults. It costs
the same, and no matter how hard you
fight it, you always end up going back.

One who lacks the courage to start has
already finished.

There are only 10 kinds of people in the
world: Those who understand binary,
and those who don't.

G~d doesn't propose to judge a man 'til
he's dead so why should you?

Please G~d, give me patience - but HURRY!

Food tastes better when somebody else
makes it.

Marriages are made in heaven, but they
have to be maintained on earth.

Hypocrisy is the opposite of success.

G~d wants spiritual fruit . . . not religious nuts.

We should spend less time in front of the
mirror and more time looking at ourselves.

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around,
and faith looks up.

Happiness is enjoying even the bad times.

If we can't laugh at ourselves, everyone else
will.

A true test leaves no time to cram.

The best thing about not saying anything
is that it can't be repeated.

Everything happens for the best, even to
dummies like me.

"Giving" is a good investment.

Zionism: You have 250 acres of desert
and no water yet you manage to cultivate
the world's best fruits and veggies. . . and
you wonder why other desert-dwellers
hate you.
Received on Mon Mar 27 00:37:22 2006