Court Tactics

"Phone Your Lawyer"
 
A guy phones a law office and says: "I
want to speak to my lawyer."
 
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but
he died last week."
 
The next day he phones again and asks
the same question. The receptionist
replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last
week."
 
The next day the guy calls again and asks
to speak to his lawyer. By this time the
receptionist is getting a little annoyed and
says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer
died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
 
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing
you say that."

******************************************

"Court Tactics"
 
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums
of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose
this case, I'll be ruined."

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior.
A stunt like that would prejudice him against you.
He might even hold you in contempt of court. In
fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."
 
Within the course of time, the judge rendered
a decision in favor of the defendant. As the
defendant left the courthouse, he said to his
lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It
worked!"

 "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd
sent them."
 
"But, I did send them."

"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.

"Yes. That's how we won the case."

"I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy.
I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the
plaintiff's business card."
Received on Thu Jul 6 00:26:14 2006