Facts Of Life, Parts III & IV

Facts Of Life"
Part III

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me
horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until
we ran out of quarters.

Women should not have children after 35.
Really...35 children are enough.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85
cents at bowling alleys.

After all is said and done, usually more is
said than done.

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore
I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks...but not the
ones she's been giving me lately!

Everyday I beat my own previous record for
number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was asalted.

"No one ever says "It's only a game," when
their team is winning."

I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put
a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."

How come we choose from just two people
for president and 50 for Miss America?

Ever notice that people who spend money on
beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always
complaining about being broke and not feeling
well?

How long a minute is depends on what side
of the bathroom door you're on.

On my first day of school my parents dropped
me off at the wrong nursery. There I was...
surrounded by trees and bushes.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for
the fiber, not the toy.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant
like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't
want to see naked?

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's
a decimal point involved.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember:
Your garbage disposal probably eats better than
thirty percent of the people in this world.

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Received on Fri Jun 2 09:08:13 2006