Translating Men

"Translating Men"

"I'm going fishing."
Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand,
while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Let's take your car."
Really means....
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers
and completely out of gas."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means....
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red,
yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black,
turquoise or any other color besides white."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means....
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"Good idea."
Really means....
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest
of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?"
Really means....
"I've just spent our last $300 on a cordless drill."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means....
"The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."
Really means....
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive
like a maniac, even though I don't need one."

"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means....
"I've been subscribing to Playboy
since 1972."

"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means....
"She used the smoke detector as
a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I
have things on my mind."
Really means....
"I was wondering if that red-head
over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too
hard."
Really means....
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means....
"Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things
to prove our love."
Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."
Really means....
"You want me to stay awake."

Now that we've explained men, is it
really that hard to understand us?
Received on Thu Jul 27 07:12:18 2006