Men-Bashing Jokes

"Men-Bashing Jokes"

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

How does a man show he's planning for the
future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What do you call the useless piece of skin
on the end of a man's penis?
His body.

What makes a man think about a candlelight
dinner?
A power failure.

How would a person who doesn't know what
to do with himself on a rainy Sunday afternoon
yearn for immortality?
"I came, I saw, I had no idea what the heck was
going on, I left."

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"Blonde Waitress"

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and
placed his order. He said, "I want three
flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of
running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting
to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said
to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered
three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair
of running boards. What does he think this
place is ... an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean
three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two
eggs sunny side up, and running boards
are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde.

She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to
the customer. The trucker asked, "What are
the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting
for the flat tires, headlights and running boards,
you might as well gas up!"
Received on Thu Jan 5 07:01:39 2006