The Talking Clock

"The Talking Clock"

A drunk was proudly showing off his new
apartment to a couple of his friends late
one night, and led the way to his bedroom
where there was a big brass gong. One of
the guests asked, "What's that big brass
gong?"

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk
replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his
astonished friend. "Yep," replied the
drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked,
squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-
shattering pound, and stepped back. The
three stood looking at one another for a
moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of
the wall screamed, "You jackass,
it's ten past three in the morning!!!"

*****************************************

"The Lie-Clock"

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood
in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he
saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He
asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter
answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone
on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie
the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have
never moved, indicating that she never
told a lie."

"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock
is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's
Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only
two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using
it as a ceiling fan."
Received on Mon Feb 6 12:16:15 2006