Performance Reviews

"Performance Reviews"

For everyone who has ever received or given an
evaluation, just remember, it could have been
worse. These are actual quotes taken from
(USA) Federal Government employee
performance evaluations...

1. "Since my last report, this employee has
reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of
a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant
supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems
that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village
somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the
sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the
plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse
than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he
leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should
sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and
one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the
lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before
he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing,
but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost
and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have
to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts,
you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you
can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000
other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of
knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster
is dead."
Received on Mon Dec 11 01:32:22 2006