Uneventful Absence

"Uneventful Absence"

A gentleman is returning home after a lengthy trip, and
is met by his servant at the station. This is the
conversation that they have on their way to his home.

"So, has anything happened while I've been away?"

"No, sir, I can't think of anything at all worth mentioning."

"Come now, I've been away for weeks. Surely something
must have happened in all that time."

"Well, sir, come to think of it, your dog died."

"My *dog* died? How awful! Still, he was getting on in
years, and I suppose it had to happen some time. How
did he die?"

"The vet said it was probably from eating the rotten
meat."

"The rotten meat? Since when do we leave rotten meat
lying around for the dog to eat?"

"Well, it was the horses, sir. They'd been rotting for
some time after the barn burned down."

"Good heavens. How in the world did the barn burn
down?"

"It must have been some embers that blew over from
the house, sir."

"The *house*? The house burnt down, too? How did
the house burn down?"

"Well, sir, we think someone must have knocked over
a candle."

"Oh. ... Wait a moment - we don't use candles anymore
to light the house! What were the candles doing there?"

"They were there for the wake, sir."

"The wake?!? Whose wake?"

"Your mother's, sir. She passed away quite suddenly."

"Oh my Lord. Mother is dead. The house is gone, along
with the stable. Even my dog is dead. What did Mother
die of?"

"It must have been the shock, sir."

"The shock?"

"Yes, sir, the shock. When your wife ran off with the
handyman the day after you left, sir. But aside from all
that, it's been fairly quiet while you've been away, sir."

************************************************

"Two Patients"
{Not really a joke)

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics
with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking
and appear to require a hip replacement. The first
patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the
same day and has a time booked for surgery the
following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting 3
weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to
see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't
reviewed for another week and finally has his
surgery scheduled for a month from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever.

The second is a Senior Citizen.

{Of course, I would wonder who would pay thousands
of dollars for a dog's a hip replacement surgery... You
have to be either crazy or very rich. And yes, I do
love dogs. I even watch dog shows! ~ LadyHawke}
Received on Sun Dec 10 01:14:57 2006