Benefits of Growing Older

"Benefits of Growing Older"

1. In a hostage situation, you are likely to
be released first.

2. It's harder and harder for sexual
harassment charges to stick.

3. Kidnappers are not very interested in
you.

4. No one expects you to run into a burning
building.

5. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did
I wake you?"

6. People no longer view you as a
hypochondriac.

7. There's nothing left to learn the hard
way.

8. Things you buy now won't wear out.

9. Your supply of brain cells is now down
to a manageable size.

10. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.

11. You can live without sex but not without
your glasses.

12. You can't remember the last time you
lay on the floor to watch TV.

13. You consider coffee one of the most
important things in life.

14. You constantly talk about the price of
gasoline.

15. You enjoy hearing about other people's
operations.

16. You get into a heated argument about
pension plans.

17. You got cable TV for the weather channel.

18. You have a party and the neighbors
don't even realize it.

19. You no longer think of speed limits as
a challenge.

20. You quit trying to hold your stomach in,
no matter who walks into the room.

21. You send money to PBS.

22. You sing along with the elevator music.

23. You talk about "good grass", and you're
referring to someone's lawn.

24. Your arms are almost too short to read
the newspaper.

25. Your back goes out more than you do.

26. Your ears are hairier than your head.

27. Your eyes won't get much worse.

28. Your investment in health insurance
is finally beginning to pay off.

29. Your joints are more accurate than the
National Weather Service.

30. Your secrets are safe with your friends
cause they can't remember them either.

AND,

31. You don't find this list funny!!
Received on Wed Aug 16 08:33:14 2006