Oneliners XIV & XV

"Oneliners XIV"

You don't pay taxes; they take taxes.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world
is full of amateurs.

When it seems you can't forgive, remember how
much YOU have been forgiven.

Centipede: An ant built to government specifications.

Go now, or forever hold your pee.

"You want us to do WHAT?"
-- Ancient Chinese wall engineer.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die
of a misprint.

The hardest thing to disguise is your feelings
when you put a lot of relatives on the bus for home.

What is it about politics that turns otherwise decent folk
into egotistical, narrow-minded bullies?

A great actor can bring tears to our eyes.
But then, so can an auto mechanic.

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage,
but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

The bad news is; time flies. The good news is;
you're the pilot.

Procrastinate Later.

You have a lifetime to work, but children are only
young once.

Fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity.

Change is good but dollars are better.

A promise is a debt.

He who hesitates is probably right.

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"Oneliners XV"

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working
with subatomic particles.

Better to bend than to break.

This would be really funny if it weren't happening
to me.

You don't win the Silver. You lose the Gold.

Some people pay their bills when due, some
when overdue and some never do.

The parents of teens have something in common
with the parents of babies; both spend a lot of time
trying to get their kids to talk

Golf is played by twenty million mature American
men whose wives think they are out having fun

Jewish Mothers only offer advice twice,
when you want it and when you don't.

Everything happens for a reason, even if that
reason is to make your life miserable.

I finally have a dental plan. I chew on the other side

Parents who defend their bratty kids are by far
the scariest of all school bullies.

Even though it's a cliché, it's true.

Mary had a little lamb, some white wine, and a salad.

Flatulence is nature's contribution to humor.

It is better to have loved and lost, provided you
don't have to pay alimony.

Today's Special" is a fancy way of saying "Leftovers."

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise
above your principles.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Quantum Particles: the dreams that stuff is made of.
Received on Mon Sep 26 06:24:00 2005