Oneliners XIII

"Flying Oneliners"

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall
Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
-- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base
Kadena, Japan

"The only time you have too much fuel is when
you're on fire."

"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes
in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
-- From an old carrier sailor

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane
you always have enough power left to get you to the
scene of the crash."

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers
and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC
screws up, the pilot dies."

"Never trade luck for skill."

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always
needed to successfully complete the flight."

"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a
flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well,
something was forgotten."

"Just remember, if you crash because of weather,
your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a
prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike
the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow
and gently as possible."

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm
in peacetime." -- Sign over squadron ops desk at
Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter,
it's about to."

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked
when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

*********************************************

"Oneliners XIII"

The school should pay me to skip class.
Call it a "tuition refund", if you will.

A Pessimist is what an Optimist calls a Realist.

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will
be fired with enthusiasm.

I was wondering where my boomerang had
landed - and then it came to me.

There is nothing more permanent than a
temporary tax.

Scars: Tattoos with better stories.

Loved are the ones who are told of their faults
in private.

A:\ B:\ C:\ - Alphabet of a new generation.

Look after your wife; never mind yourself--she'll
look after you.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Say nothing . . . often.

Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their
young.

All the women moaning about finding a husband
obviously never had one.

Everything is always okay in the end. If it's not, it's
not the end.

You non-conformists are all alike.

Sign on a synagogue: Under same management
for 5,765 years.

The extra mile isn't half as long as all those
other miles.

A genius is someone who is screwed up
in a useful way.

Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn
and you're in hot water.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Received on Mon Sep 12 02:10:08 2005