Oneliners XI & XII

"Oneliners XI"

Blessed are the cheesemakers for they shall get
their whey.

Daytime TV is incentive to get a job.

Monday special, two Valiums with a coffee chaser.

Soccer would be more popular if the players were armed.

We cannot learn and appear perfect at the same time.

No one ever stood out for being the same.

The more you know, the less you learn.

It's always something and it's generally expensive.

Some people don't like food going to waist.

Never argue with your doctor. He has inside information.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Half-aloof is better than none.

When it comes to telling her age, she's shy.....about
ten years shy.

What if your mother really IS right..... about everything?

Up goin' this way is down comin' back.

A writer is just someone with the gall to jot it all down.

Never say something mean to your fitness trainer.

Reality is just where our worlds overlap.

Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating.

Have you ever seen a plumber bite his nails?

*****************************************

"Oneliners XII"

A spotlessly clean house is a sign of a wasted
life.
{CCMMesa@aol.com}

The grass is always greener on the other side
until you step in the manure.
{CCMMesa@aol.com}

Mr. Bobbit has a new job: spokesperson for
Snap-On Tools!
{CCMMesa@aol.com}

He who snoozes, loses...
{captain326@aol.com}

What's the difference between a teenager and
a hand grenade?
{ishy58@aol.com}

When the chips are down... the buffalo is empty!
{weigand@sigecom.net}

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than
a frontal lobotomy.
{sdbrenda@pie.midco.net}

Every life is terminal.
{THayes1969@aol.com}

Death is life's last great adventure.
{THayes1969@aol.com}

Act your age, not your shoe size.
{captain326@aol.com}

You're only young once, but you can be immature
forever.
{Polycline@aol.com}

"It may not be your fault, but it's your problem."
{Polycline@aol.com}

Never trust a doctor who's stethoscope has
Fisher-Price written on it.
{Ishy58@aol.com}

Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable.
Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself,
and see if we may not eff it after all.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001),
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Taxes, taxes, taxes ... I thought this was the land
of the free!
{Razbrry976@aol.com}

Every time I make ends meet.....they move the ends.
{AngelSuyeta@aol.com}

It's been so long since I made love, I forget who
ties up who!
{AngelSuyeta@aol.com}

Save a horse; ride a cowboy.
{AngelSuyeta@aol.com}

I used to be indecisive once. Today I'm not so sure.
{yoro187@gmail.com}
Received on Fri Sep 9 19:27:53 2005