Quick Takes

"Quick Takes"

My mother asked, "How do those car phones work
when the sun goes down?"
I told her, "It's cellular, not solar."

"May I go swimming, Mommy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."

While getting dressed one morning, I decided
I'd been spending too much time on the computer,
when I caught myself checking the lower right
corner of my makeup mirror to see what time it was.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
As a plumber, I'm delighted to see
all these teenagers wearing low-rider jeans.

How long will it be until American universities
learn that in most fields, their diplomas are now
quite literally not worth the paper they are written on?

Dubya misspoke when he declared that Saddam's
torture chambers were closed.
They are not closed. They're just under new management.

The business of preaching is to comfort the disturbed
and to disturb the comfortable.

The moral test of any society is how it treats its weakest:
children, elderly, sick, needy and handicapped.

Yetta the Yenta said: "Stop asking me for more details.
I already told you more than I heard."

The most ineffective workers are systematically
moved to the place where they can do the least
damage: Management.
Received on Sun May 22 02:10:38 2005