14 Ways To Stay Stressed {Insp}

"14 Ways To Stay Stressed"

Are you worried now about how to stay stressed?
You'll have no trouble if you practice the following
clinically proven methods:

NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time
that could be spent worrying.

EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette
smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced
diet isn't likely to.

GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25
pounds over your recommended weight.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards
of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to
do the job just fine.

AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES. Ignore the evidence
suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing,
and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The
Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant
or not.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let
the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know
that concern yourself with friendships only if you have
time, and you never have time. If a few people persist
in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes
any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is
mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen,
be offended, then return the attack!

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO. Never ever
ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!

BECOME A WORKAHOLIC. Put work before everything
else, and be sure to take work home evenings and
weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are
for sissies.

DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS. Schedule
in more activities every day than you can possibly get
done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.

PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off to the last second
always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL. Worry
about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching
Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.

BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET
IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS......and either beat
yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged,
and/or inadequate when you don't meet them.

THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Staying stressed
is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.
Received on Sun Jun 26 02:08:20 2005