Oneliners I & II

"Oneliners I"

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.

People who are wrapped up in themselves are
overdressed.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute
to share the blame.

If you solved the NY Times' Saturday's crossword
puzzle, you probably cheated.

A word of advice . . . don't give it.

If we made it illegal, do you think more people
would vote?

I am logged in . . . therefore, I am.

A journey of a hundred miles starts with an argument
over how to load the car.

Justice is blind and in some cases . . . deaf and dumb.

To belittle is to be little.

When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there
will be no one there.

Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn't
take much to improve your lot.

The first rule of tinkering is to save all the parts.

I'm retiring in Mexico. Sunny, affordable and no
predatory reverse mortgages.

A pessimist is a man who looks both way before
crossing a one-way street.

Once you pass 40, your "Big break" will probably
be a bone.

Politics isn't about hunger or taxes or equality . . .
it's about politics.

Management's job is to keep 'em too busy to look
for other jobs.

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager
wondering about each other.

Why are lawyers not sworn to tell the truth like all
the witnesses in a jury trial?

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"Oneliners II"

The next unpopular group to have its rights taken away
should be illegal aliens.

Recessions are started by people who fear recessions.

If we can't understand what he's saying, he's not a genius.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

If G~d wanted us to be thin, food wouldn't taste so good.

Golf is a lot like taxes. You drive hard to get to the green
and end up in the hole.

The law is a rule to the fool, but a guide to the wise.

Smile! It increases your face value.

Never fear shadows... they simply mean there's a
light shining somewhere nearby.

I'm so hungry, I could almost eat health food.

Positive anything is better than negative nothing.

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

These days you can either lead or be misled.

Middle age is when you are warned to slow down
by a doctor instead of a policeman.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

It's just as much work to be normal as it is to be
ourselves.

We belittle the homeless even though we're the ones
who wake up to alarm clocks.

Misery is too much work.

Sometimes you don't realize that you're in prison
until you get out.

Overpopulation may complicate pregnancy.
Received on Mon Jul 25 18:09:49 2005