Shallow Thoughts

"Shallow Thoughts"

Sometimes I feel so inept. Like when there's a
baseball player who's worth $250 million, and I
can't remember his or her name.

Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out
of debt.

It's better to be poor than to be rich. The rich
always have to fear becoming poor, but the poor
never have to fear becoming rich.

Nothing is impossible if you don't have to do it
yourself.

How about a constitutional amendment that declares
anything said in a campaign commercial to be under
oath?

Could it be that the people who have nothing to say
are the ones we should listen to?

You never get tired if you rest a lot in advance.

Real courage is a willingness to attack raw oysters
in public.

It's hard to relate to this high-tech world when your
kid says her Lego Toys need more memory.

Every day in every way, I was getting worse and worse
until I stopped trying to be myself.

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent
individuals combined into a political party become
collectively stupid?

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall
defend to the death your right to shut up.

To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how
many other people each day you have to condemn?

Only in America would people pay $69.95 for a
toaster-oven that automatically burns your frozen
waffle.

My mind is now so crowded with valuable information
that I can't think.

You know, you can really get wet playing games in that
new Pentium-VI dishwasher.

If you recall childhood, you may remember that the kids
who stuck straws and cigarettes up their noses back
then seemed funnier than the ones who stick earrings
in their noses today.

The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball
is totally predictable. Maybe Fox is right, maybe we do
need the XFL. Maybe we need Nude Roller Derby. Maybe
we need Sumo Hockey.

There's just something wonderful about a cold, clear
winter morning that makes you want to slow down and
take time to stop and smell some hot diesel exhaust.

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can
leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's
anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads.

Okay, I have a million awesome clip art images. Now
what?

Instead of building millionaires a new arena for their
basketball team, why couldn't the city fill in a few
potholes?

Does anyone know? If you voted for the winning
congressional candidate, can you take all your
campaign promises in one lump sum?

I encourage my children to read the newspaper, but
they're holding out for a remote that turns the pages.

Get ready...Microsoft announced Email is obsolete...
Fmail 2005 is coming in February.
Received on Sat Jan 29 02:57:51 2005