British Citizenship

"In The News..."

The Waring family in the United Kingdom has
had an extra guest for dinner lately; a bird that
pays for its meals. The magpie, a regular diner
at the Waring family home, eats bread crumbs
and then pays for its meals with money it finds.

Gill Waring began leaving bread for the bird on
a garden table and noticed one or two coins
were being left behind each day.

She said: "I was baffled because I didn't know
how the coins got there and then on day I looked
out of the window and saw the magpie leaving
money."

So far the bird has left about £3 on the table.

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"British Citizenship"

As part of an effort to crack down on terrorist
activity within Britain, Prime Minister Tony
Blair has instituted a new series of tests that
any applicant for British citizenship must pass:

- The ability to express the full range of human
emotion by gentle throat clearing.

- The ability to drink a full pint of warm flat beer
(non-alcoholic beer is permitted, but in this
case two pints must be consumed).

- The ability to complement the cook after
consuming a dinner of cold mashed potatoes,
cold peas, and cold burnt meat.

- The ability to instinctively know if it's tea first
or milk first.

- The ability to praise the French while clearly
indicating that since 1066 they've pretty much
been a bunch of losers.

- The ability to praise the Americans while
clearly indicating that they got lucky that one
time in the late 1700s.

And finally

- The ability to utter the phrase "British Way of Life"
without cracking even the hint of a smile.
Received on Fri Dec 9 06:42:14 2005