Chocolate

"Chocolate"

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories.
As I enjoy 2 servings per night, and a few more on
weekends. I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate
in a week, which equals one pound of weight per
week.

Therefore...

  In the last 3 1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric
intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165
pounds, so ... without chocolate, I would have wasted
away to nothing about 3 months ago!

I owe my life to chocolate.

**********************************

Stress Diet"

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help you
cope with the stress that builds up during the day.

BREAKFAST: 1 Grapefruit, 1 slice whole wheat toast,
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH: Small portion lean, steamed chicken with 1 cup
of spinach, 1 cup herbal tea, 1 Hershey Kiss

AFTERNOON TEA: The rest of the Kisses in the bag.
A tub of Hagen Daas Ice Cream with Choc-chip topping

DINNER: 4 bottles of wine (red or white), 2 loaves Garlic
bread, 1 Family size Supreme Pizza, 3 Snickers Bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK: Whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecake
(eaten directly from the Freezer)

DIET RULES:
1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the diet
Coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate bar.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if
you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medical purposes does not count (i.e. hot
chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka).

5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.

6. Movie Theater related foods have a zero calorie count as
they are part of the entertainment package and not counted
as food intake. This includes popcorn, Snow Caps and ice-cream.

7. Cookie pieces have no calories because breaking the
cookies up causes calorie leakage.

8. Foods licked from spoons and forks have no fat if you are
in the process of cooking something.

9. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity
and the density of the calorie mass.

10. Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat
as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to
his/her plate.

And remember: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS
'DESSERTS'
Received on Tue May 18 14:34:26 2004