Suicidal Goat

"A Faithful Centipede"

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he
wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop
owner suggests a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've
got it! A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a
centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a
centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede,
"Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and...
it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have
been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops
cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed.
He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.
The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and
dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants
watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most
amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet
that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner
and get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes
later...no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede.
30 minutes later...no centipede. By this point the man
is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front
door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting
right outside.

The man says, "Hey!! I sent you down to the corner
store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the
matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just
putting on my shoes!"

**************************************

"Suicidal Goat"

A guy who was tired with life in the big city decided to take
a vacation and go to the mountain, so he rented a chalet
in the wilderness.

One day, as he was strolling, he got to the edge of a precipice.
He carefully looked down and backed quickly, amazed: "Gee,
is this deep!" He took a pebble and threw it in, to see how long
it takes until it gets down. It took a while, so he thought, "That's
really deep"; then he found a big stone and tossed it, and when
it hit the ground with an almost inaudible sound he reckoned,
"This is what I call deep." Having nothing else to do, he started
to look around a found a large piece of rail. He strained a while,
as it was pretty heavy, rusted and muddy, but he managed to
push it over the cliff, and after some time, when he heard it hitting
the ground with a big blast, he reasoned: "Now that's something!"

He had just seated himself to rest and start meditating at the
abyssal dimensions, when he saw a goat, bulging-eyed, heading
at maximum speed directly to the bottomless pit. There was nothing
he could do, in no time the goat got on the edge and jumped.

The mad was dazzled, "suicidal goat, who would have thought of
that"; he was still under the strong impression of the goat's act,
when a shepherd came by.

"Howdy there, did you happen to see a goat?" the shepherd asked.
"Don't ask me" excitedly answered the man, "you've never seen
anything like that in you life: a goat just came in galloping and
jumped over the cliff with no hesitation."

The shepherd couldn't believe his ears; even more stunned than
the man, all he could say was, "How was this possible, I'm asking
you, how in the world was this possible, I had tethered it to a large
piece of rail!"
Received on Thu May 6 11:42:26 2004