Cats and Physics

"Cats and Physics"
{For my friend H. M. and her two cats...}

1 - Law of Cat Inertia
     A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon
     by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a
     nearby scurrying mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion
     A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really
     good reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
     All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in
     direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
     Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case
     of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching
     A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length
     of the nap just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
     All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a
     position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is
     possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation
     A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any
     counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
     A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good
     and ready to stop.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
     Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration
      No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
      A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
      desire for her to do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
      Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed
      and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
      Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of
      napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
      If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will
      come along and take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
      Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at
      the speed of light.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
      A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most
      comfortable spot in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
      All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within
      the earliest possible nanosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
      A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her
      embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption
      A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show
      you he can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
      A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional
      to the cost of the furniture.

21 - Law of Cat Landing
      A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
      A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus
      the amount of milk consumed.

23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
      A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to
      the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest
      him.

24 - Law of Pill Rejection
      Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach
      escape velocity.

25 - Law of Cat Composition
      A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't
      Matter.
Received on Sun Mar 7 02:39:38 2004