Occupational Descriptions

"Occupational Descriptions"

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of
everything and the value of nothing.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and
bayonets all the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the
sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
(Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the
things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but
lacks the personality to be an accountant.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane,
because that decreases the chances that there will be
another bomb on the plane.
(Laurence J. Peter)

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you
didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking
for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference
between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document
and calls it a "brief." (Franz Kafka)

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when
a beautiful girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to
think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your
wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in
such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Received on Sun Jun 27 03:50:05 2004