Subject: Stock Market Dictionary
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Mar 07 2003 - 10:14:06 EST
"Stock Market Dictionary"
STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth
$33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then
be worth $8.50.
BOND: What you had with your spouse until
you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in
Amazon.com.
BROKER: The person you trust to help you
make major financial decisions. Please note
the first five letters of this word spell "Broke."
BEAR: What your trade account and wallet
will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock
tip your secretary gave you.
BULL: What your broker uses to explain why
your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes
when you're supposed to be listening to your
manager's presentation.
SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in
theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually
own. Since this also only ever works in theory,
a short position is what a person usually ends
up being in. (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well,
I'm a little short this month.").
COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make
money on the stock market, which is why your
broker charges you one.
YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover
your stocks have plunged and your broker is
making a margin call.
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