Reflections on Life

"Reflections on Life"

1. Never raise your hands to a child. It leaves
your groin unprotected.

2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no
pain, no pain.

3. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet
soup?

4. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you
is an idiot, but going faster is a maniac?

5. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I
go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how
long somebody stands there picking the locks, they
are always locking three of them.

6. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains.
I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it,
maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

7. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my
suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was
murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there
were any witnesses. Now I'll have to whack you, too!"

8. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy
Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald
Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

9. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze
pilots wore helmets.

10. How the hell did Hillary Clinton become a senator
in NEW YORK STATE?!
Received on Sat Dec 20 22:39:21 2003