Subject: Heavenly Vows
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Mar 25 2002 - 07:37:43 EST
"Can't Take it With You"
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed
with a terminal illness was determined to prove
wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, the old
ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to
take at least some of his money with him when
he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the bank and
withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases.
He then directed her to take the bags of money
to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.
His plan was that when he passed away, he would
reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased
lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon
the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.
"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew
he should have had me put the money in the
basement."
**************************
"Heavenly Vows"
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married,
a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is
sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter
to do an intake. While waiting they wonder if they
could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter
finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says,
"I don't know, this is the first time anyone ever asked.
Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begin
to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven,
what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't
work out?, " they wonder, "Are we stuck together
forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking
somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the
couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the
ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened
couple. "Jeez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three
months to find a priest up here! Do you have any
idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?"
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