Subject: How To Train A Cat
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Jul 01 2002 - 13:33:00 EDT
"How To Train A Cat"
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat.
To my distress, he began to use the back of
our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't
worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have
him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband
patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the
cat scratched, my husband deposited him
outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years,
whenever he wanted to go outside, he
scratched the back of the sofa.
*****************************
"Signs Your Cat Is Planning To Kill You"
1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of
a sudden.
2. He actually *does* have your tongue.
3. You find a stash of "Feline Of Fortune"
magazines behind the couch.
4. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
5. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in
downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
6. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
7. You catch him with a new Mohawk, looking
in the mirror, saying, "Mew talking to me? Mew
talking to me?"
8. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device
that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and
ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
9. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
10. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
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