Subject: Wrapping Presents With A Cat
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Dec 18 2002 - 08:10:45 EST
"Wrapping Presents With A Cat"
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present
is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping
paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape,
ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table,
to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that
has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect
string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from
box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting
line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase
the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in
the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder
why edges now don't reach, and find cat between
present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while
cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove
transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape,
making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and
retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional
turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now
torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and
reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old
cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of
paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and
head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out
packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside
door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is
difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very
carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape.
Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide
worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork,
congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and
to feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before
coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper,
feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt,
making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at
receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at
being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the
store to wrap the darn thing for you.
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