Subject: Merry Christmas from Mom
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Dec 13 2002 - 16:11:27 EST
"Merry Christmas from Mom"
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,
Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry.
I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat.
The important thing is that you have a nice holiday,
thousands of miles away from your ailing mother.
I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card,
which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren.
Lord knows their mother never buys them anything
nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.
Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear boy.
I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my
grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last
week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning
for a good funeral so Aunt Berta and I dug her up and
had the services all over again. I would have invited
you, but I know that woman you live with would have
never let you come. I bet she's never even watched
that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?
Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I
lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't
you worry about me. I'm also getting used to the cold
since they turned my heat off and am grateful because
the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain.
Now don't you even think about sending any more
money, because I know you need it for those expensive
family vacations you take every year. Give my love to
my darling grand babies and my regards to whatever-
her-name-is --the one with the black roots in her hair
who stole you screaming from my bosom.
Merry Christmas,.
Love, Mom
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