Subject: 25 Things You Should Have Learned By The Time You Have Reached Middle Age
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Aug 12 2002 - 11:19:01 EDT
"25 Things You Should Have Learned
By The Time You Have Reached Middle Age"
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will
fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian,
any more than standing in a garage makes you
a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick
the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room
with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion
that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you
probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the
speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your
other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from
earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing
the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going
than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years
and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than
you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables
you to recognize a mistake when you make it
again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet,
they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice
contrast to the real world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
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