Subject: Cow Pony
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Aug 03 2002 - 22:47:11 EDT
"Cow Pony"
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization
of wealthy city women, met and decided
that this month's outing was to be at a dairy
farm. Most of them had lived in the city all
their lives, and had never seen such a thing.
The day came, and the ladies filed into the
rented bus which whisked them off to their
destination. On the way, they watched out
the windows as the city squalor turned into
lovely, unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the
farmer who invited them to look him up
should they have any questions. Myrtle,
after looking about, and being amazed by
what she saw, stepped into a building and
viewed something she thought was quite
remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by
and hailed him - he sauntered in.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow
have any horns?" The farmer cocked his
head for a moment, then began in a patient
tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful
lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we
keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw.
Other times we can fix up the young 'uns
by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their
horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never
grow horns. But the reason this cow don't
have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
*********************************
"Captain"
One of the world's most famous merchant
captains died, having long been admired by
his crew and fellow officers. They remained
puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he
performed daily.
While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin
and open a small safe, take out an envelope
with a note inside and read it. After locking the
paper back in the safe, he would return to his
duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became
very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a
letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated
about the contents of the strange envelope.
After laying the captain's body to rest, the first
mate led the entire crew back to the ship and
into the captain's quarters. He opened the safe,
got the envelope and read the words aloud to
an astonished crew:
'Port: Left, Starboard: Right.'
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