Subject: Ways To Annoy Osama
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun Nov 18 2001 - 12:37:09 EST
"Timely Tidbits"
What sound does an Afghan turkey make at this
time of year?
Kabul, Kabul, Kabul!!
Just heard the US has captured Osama Bin Laden.
The US planes sprayed Afghanistan with Viagra,
and the little prick sprang up.
Did you hear the D.C. authorities are considering
letting Israel and El Al take over Reagan National
Airport for security purposes?
Of course, they'd have to change its name to
Hebrew National.
The following sign is posted in the front window
of an LA business:
I WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH
1000 TERRORISTS THAN ONE JEW...
--- GOLDBERG's FUNERAL HOME
**********************
"Ways To Annoy Osama"
Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say,
"Hmmm.. Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?"
Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather
line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook.
Tell him how much less you paid for your
Kalashnikov rifle.
Order him ten Domino's pizzas with extra ham
topping.
Correct him when he ends a sentence with a
preposition.
Ask whether the Taliban gets cable, because
you haven't seen "Sex and the City" for weeks.
Mine his bathroom.
Ask him if Paradise is different for each person,
and whether in your own paradise you'll get to
"kick his butt every day for eternity."
Refer to him as "Osama-osama-fee-fi-fo-fama
bin Laden."
Ask whether suicide bombers have to pay union
dues.
Tell him it's lovely what he's done with his cave,
but that it'd look much nicer covered with huge,
smoking craters.
Swirl your drink thoughtfully and mention, "Just
think, in a few weeks you might fit in this glass!"
Play a game of Monopoly with him. Make him play
the thimble. See if he charges interest. Claim that
his properties are your "holy lands" and blow up
his hotels.
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