Subject: A Few Good Menopausal Women
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Nov 02 2001 - 20:13:33 EST
"Women In Clergy"
The phone rings in heaven. St Peter answers:
"Hello? Yes... yes... yes, just a moment."
Putting his hand over the receiver, he continues,
"G~d, it's the Pope; he wants to discuss women
in the clergy again."
G~d, tired of the Pope and his problems, says,
"Look, there are millions of people praying right
now, and I'm trying to make plans... tell him
I'm just not available."
"Of course," St Peter replies. Removing his hand
from the phone, he says to the Pope,
"She's not available right now..."
**********************
"A Few Good Menopausal Women"
Take all American women who are within five
years of menopause. Train us for a few weeks,
outfit us automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks,
Prozac, hormones, moisturizer with SPF15,
chocolate, Spam, support hose, canned tuna -
etc. Drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the
landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what
comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when
doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying
bills, is formidable enough to make even men in
turbans tremble.
We have had our children, we would gladly die/suffer
to protect them and their future. Most of us would like
to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left
already. And for those of us who are single, the
prospect of finding a good man with whom to share
life is about as likely as being struck by lightning;
therefore, we have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the
carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms
and saunas across America and never lost a pound.
We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain
of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or
lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...
finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new
government? Oh, please ... we've planned the
seating arrangements for in-laws and extended
families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we
understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to
know every trick there is for how they hide, launder,
or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We
know how to find that money and we know how to
seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight.
The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as
we crawl like ants with hot-flashes all through their
heaven-forsaken terrain.
I'm going to write my Congressman. You should, too.
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