Subject: Cynic's Guide to Life
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Jun 27 2001 - 07:48:38 EDT
"Cynic's Guide to Life"
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
squeaking fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower
grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game
gets rained out and a car rusts and....
Follow your dream. Unless it's the one where
you're at work in your underwear during a fire
drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses...
and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not
walk ahead for I may not follow. Do not walk beside
me, either, just leave me alone.
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone .
Just take another road. That's why the highway
department made so many of them.
If a motorists cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.
Nothings gets the message across like a good
mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes
the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain
and gag himself.
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're
going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's
the time to do it.
Each day I try to enjoy something from each of
the four food groups: the bon bon group, the
salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the
'thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge'
group.
Just remember....You gotta break some eggs to
make a real mess on the neighbor's
car.
When you find yourself getting irritated with
someone, try to remember that all men are
brothers..., and just give them a noogie or an
Indian burn.
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent
of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for
letting the relatives say over.
Love is like a roller coaster. If you like it, you don't
want to get off, and when/if you don't....you can't
wait to throw up.
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