Subject: Stock Market Terminology Explained
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Jun 13 2001 - 18:19:06 EDT
"Stock Market Terminology Explained"
Stock Market Dictionary for the past year investor:
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high
and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling
lower.
Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their
pants as this market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an
investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids
get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the
husband gets no sex.
Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers
his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper
and cigarettes.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as
it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option - Something people used to do with a
telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.
Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor
sucker for $540 per share.
Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're
the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per share.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now
locked up in a nut house.
Profit - Religious guy who talks to G-d.
Bill Gates - Where G-d goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan - G-d.
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