Subject: Things You Would Never Know Without Movies
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Jul 24 2001 - 08:49:29 EDT
"Things You Would Never Know Without Movies"
Large, loft apartments in New York City are
plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are
unemployed.
One of a pair of identical twins is evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry
about which wire to cut. You will always choose
the right one.
It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered
in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will
wait patiently to attack you one by one... dancing
around in a threatening manner until you have
dispatched their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything
in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but
slightly blue.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a
world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs,
hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.
Honest and hard-working policemen are usually
gunned down a day or two before retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs
prefer to kill their enemies using complex
machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses,
lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of
which will give their captives at least 20 minutes
to escape.
During all crime investigations, it is necessary
to visit a strip club at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach
up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist
of the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one
French bread and one bunch of carrots with
leafy tops.
It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone
in the control tower to talk you down.
If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off,
even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However
if you are overweight, your mascara will run and
your lipstick will smear.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for
you in there, and you can travel to any other part
of the building without difficulty.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Wed Aug 01 2001 - 00:00:01 EDT