Subject: The Catholic Glossary
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Jan 29 2001 - 09:40:43 EST
"The Catholic Glossary"
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone
knows.
BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only
during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing
allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical
formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key
three octaves higher than that of the congregation's
range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass,
often sung a little more quietly, since most of
the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their
ability to found colleges with good basketball
teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that
most Catholics can recognize besides gyros
and baklava.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby
shower.
MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus
because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday
travel has always been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in
Catholic Churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation
at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar
servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners
looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession
at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners
trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass
for so long, they actually know when to sit,
kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important
Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who
don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Thu Feb 01 2001 - 00:00:01 EST