Subject: Book of Marriage
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Dec 18 2001 - 07:27:44 EST
"Book of Marriage"
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is
one who can find such a man.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
engagement ring
wedding ring
suffer-ring
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he
loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone
knows why. When a ten-year married couple
smiles, everyone wonders why.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So
I got two girlfriends.
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls
home to say he'll be late for dinner, and the
answering machine says it is in the microwave.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared
for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought
jewelry.
How do most men define marriage? A very
expensive way to get your laundry done free.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much
does it cost to get married?" His father replied,
"I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A man said his credit card was stolen, but he
decided not to report it because the thief was
spending less than his wife did.
Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
Cosmetics: A woman's means for keeping a man
from reading between the lines.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who
is packing your parachute.
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky; mine's still alive."
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 20 grand.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man
listens. In the third year, they both speak, and the
neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new
or the wife.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
about something a woman said. After marriage, he
will fall asleep before she finished.
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