Subject: Christmas Controversies
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Dec 17 2001 - 07:06:14 EST
"Christmas Controversies"
CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE: Live tree, planted after use.
MALE: Fake tree, discarded after use.
FEMALE: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned
with fur balls.
CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay
constant?
YUPPIE: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm.
MALE: Bulbs flash logo of football team.
FEMALE: Elegant flickering candles.
REALITY: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down.
CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel
or a star?
YUPPIE: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female
stereotype.
MALE: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt.
FEMALE: Authentic angel explains true meaning of
Christmas.
REALITY: Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts.
CONTROVERSY: Do you fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE: Empower each strand with/self-determining
skills.
MALE: Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree.
FEMALE: Each icicle hangs like strand of spaghetti.
REALITY: More icicles on floor than on tree.
CONTROVERSY: Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve
or Morning.
YUPPIE: Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules.
MALE: Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with
football.
FEMALE: Anytime the entire family is present.
REALITY: Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway.
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